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September 10, 2010 |  |
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Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy 16 Week Online Course Course Begins 17 May, 2010
Believe it or not, it's the man's job to take the lead in creating a great relationship. In Lesson One, find out not only why the woman can't do it, but why it damages the relationship when she tries. This lesson will expose some common relationship myths and lay the groundwork for a new paradigm for creating passionate, vibrant relationships. Lesson One presents a roadmap to show men how to show up and take the lead with love and integrity. It will explain what makes women tick and reveal why they can't make a relationship work no matter how badly they may want to. Couples unconsciously work together to co-create relationships that allow each person to do two very important things: 1) Play familiar roles, and 2) Meet unconscious needs. In this process, couples create an Intimacy Comfort Zone that allows them to walk a tightrope of getting just close enough to enjoy some degree of intimacy without feeling trapped or smothered and far enough apart to not feel too lonely or abandoned. Over time, this co-created system tends to frustrate both partners while protecting them both from what they fear most. Seeing the other person as the source of each partner's relationship frustration just serves to exacerbate the problem. Lesson Two will help both partners examine why they needed to co-create the exact relationship system they have and how to use this awareness to stimulate second order change. When partners take the risk of getting All The Way In, they discover new truths about themselves and their relationship becomes a powerful personal growth machine. The traditional model of masculinity involves men aggressively and self-centeredly controlling their woman. Out of this paradigm arose a second model of masculinity that involved men trying to be attentive and supportive of women's needs and desires. These Nice Guys (Wussy Doormats) were trained to be different than the "bad" men (Asshole Jerks) who had dominated women for centuries. Unfortunately, this Nice Guy model of masculinity only created greater frustration for both men and women. Lesson Four proposes a third model of masculinity that shows men four steps toward becoming Integrated Males. As Second Order males, men can set the tone and take the lead in their intimate relationships with love and integrity. Instead of trying to manage their anxiety through pleasing their partner or avoiding conflict, they act with honesty, transparency, and courage. Integrated men step up and deal with the difficult and challenging issues in their relationship and set a tone that promotes personal growth, intimacy, and passion. Men and women aren't the same. No matter how tempting it might be to dismiss gender differences as over-generalizations or the result of socialization, men and women really are different! The male brain is significantly different from the female brain. In general, women are hormonally complex and physically vulnerable. The feminine tends to seek comfort and connection while the masculine tends to seek mastery and freedom. These tendencies vary in every individual, but the bottom line is that most folks create intimate relationship with people who are fundamentally different from them. This can be challenging when one or both parts of a couple believes the other is (or should be) just like them. Women often become frustrated when their man won't listen to them like their girlfriends. Men often see their woman's moods, expectations, and emotions as problems to be solved. Lesson Three will show both men and women how to recognize and celebrate the ways in which their partner is different form them. The lesson shows men how to stay conscious and present so that they can become a good ascertainer of what their woman and relationship needs. Women will learn how to communicate and ask for what they want from their man in ways that increase the likelihood of them getting it. The one thing I claim to know for sure about women is that they are by nature, Security Seeking Creatures. As a result, they don't want to feel like the most powerful person in the room. When men leave it to their woman to make the decisions or bring up the difficult issues in the relationship, they force her into a place that feels terrible to her. She doesn't want to be in charge, doesn't want to nag you to get your attention, and doesn't want to make all the decisions (she will though if you won't). Forcing your woman to take charge kills all chance for reciprocity in the relationship. Lesson Six shows men how to set the tone and take the lead without being a controlling, dominating "AJ". Your job is to lead your partner in such a way that you take her places she can't take herself. You do this by being consistent, honest, transparent, and a good ascertainer. As a security seeking creature, she craves the love and strength of a man whom can she can trust and melt into. Lesson Six will show you how to be that kind of man. If your partner is treating you badly, it is your fault. If your woman is bitchy or controlling, you have caused it (did that get your attention?). Boundaries are essential for healthy, intimate relationships. For good or bad, all men teach their partner how to treat them. Strong, healthy men show their partner how they expect them to be in the relationship and then lead them into that place with love and integrity. Without boundaries, you have to either create thick walls to protect yourself or you have to stay out of sight of the potential line of fire of your loved one. Lesson Five shows men how to create the kind of healthy boundaries that invite closeness, intimacy, and passion (you can't get naked with someone you resent or fear). This lesson shows men how to Get to Rejection Quickly in their relationship and discover their partner's true nature (and invite their partner's best self) through healthy boundary setting. Most men lose themselves in their intimate relationships. They either become pursuers who sacrifice their own needs and wants to please their partner. Or they become fearful avoiders who hide themselves from the world and their partner out of feelings of inadequacy or fear of confrontation. The pursuer creates a co-dependent enmeshment that often leads to the woman losing interest in the man and moving on. The avoider creates an intimacy void that leads to years of frustration and eruptions from the woman as she unconsciously seeks to get her man to engage. Lesson Seven shows men how to make a great cake of a life. This lesson presents the three basic ingredients for this great cake and shows men how to invite their woman to the icing on top. Your partner can't be your cake (she doesn't want to be). She isn't even one of the key ingredients. And she can't be the icing until you make the cake. Lesson Seven will show you how. Everyone claims to want good sex. Very few people have it. Why is it so elusive? Why is it such a point of frustration in so many relationships? If you aren't having the kind of mind-blowing sex you want -- it's your fault! You have either picked (and stayed with) a partner who isn't capable of being the kind of sex partner you want -- or more likely, you are killing the sex in your relationship. Lesson Eight will show you the most common things men do to throw a big, wet blanket on their sexual relationship. This lesson will illustrate why positive tension is essential for women to feel attraction and attachment (and show you what you are probably doing to kill that tension). Lesson Eight will reveal the essential ingredient for women's arousal (hint: for women, trust = lust). Most significantly, this lesson will present the Three Rules for Great Sex. These three simple rules will supercharge your sexual relationship and light up her life!
Great relationships don't happen by accident or luck. They are the result of men becoming conscious of how they are getting in their own way and discovering how to act with genuine love and integrity toward their partner. In just four months you can put your relationship on track to be what you've always wanted. I warn you though, I won't be easy on you. I have no problem taking a 2X4 to the side of men's heads to get their attention. I believe it is that important for the man to really get it and show up and start doing the heaving lifting. I promise you though, it will be worth it! You'll be able to tell by the look in her eyes! Are you ready to take the first step and start taking the lead in your relationship? If so, Click here for All The Way In Q & A. Click here to sign up for All The Way In. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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© 1999-2010 Robert A. Glover, Ph.D. All rights reserved. |
