Demystifying Beautiful Women

[DrGlover]

I’ve often stated that talking to a woman just because she is hot is the worst possible reason for talking to a woman. Chasing beauty turns attractive women into sexual celebrities – celebrities who seem untouchable to the average guy. It also makes a lot of dubious assumptions about a woman based purely on her looks – that she’ll be fun, good in bed, interesting to talk to, etc.

Here is what you do to yourself when you focus primarily on physical attributes of beauty in women. First, your anxiety typically prevents you from approaching. Second, if you do approach, you do it nervously and awkwardly. Finally, since you have already turned the woman into a sexual celebrity, you will do anything to get her approval. This kind of approval seeking is a total turn-off for women.

Most guys hate that good looking women seem to have all the power, but it is men who give them that power! Whenever you are feeling victimized by the female gender, it is you who have turned yourself into a victim.

With that said, I also believe that you should date women you find attractive. This isn’t a contradiction. What I mean is that in a healthy, mature male, attraction involves much more than just how a woman looks in her jeans or how big her boobies are.

A healthy guy notices a woman’s physical appearance but doesn’t make assumptions about her based purely on her looks. He also knows that good genetic inheritance includes intelligence, creativity and emotional stability.

Most men, even self-confident, mature guys, experience some degree of anxiety when they approach a woman they find attractive (remember, we’re not just talking physical attraction here). Learning to calm this anxiety is essential for approaching desirable women.

So what to do?

The first step in overcoming your anxiety of approaching desirable women is to get out of the house and talk to everyone you meet. This is the foundation of successful approaching. If you put yourself into public situations and talk to everyone you meet, you will become comfortable with approaching strangers. As a result, when you approach a woman to whom you are attracted, you’ll just do what you’ve been doing with every other person you’ve met on a daily basis.

A second way to conquer your anxiety of approaching desirable women is to demystify the feminine gender in general. This is something you rarely hear the dating gurus talk about. Most so-called PUAs actually encourage the worship of attractive women. There is an unspoken assumption that attractive women are some kind of wonderful prize that only goes to the select few who know how to approach, disarm, and conquer.

I’ve been with beautiful women, and in my experience, about all a hot woman can do for you is boost your ego and maybe give you pretty babies. Most women who have gotten by on their looks all their lives haven’t had to work at being interesting or decent human beings. Most have also been objectified and used since they were little girls (this really messes with their heads).

Most men, especially Nice Guys, think women – especially attractive women – are some of kind of super-evolved sect of human beings. The average guy wonders why a relatively attractive woman would want anything to do with him – as if these supernatural creatures are so far above the common man. The average frustrated chump just assumes that every woman who is better looking than him must have high self-esteem.

Here’s a revelation. In general, women have lower self-esteem than most men – including you! That might surprise you, but it’s true. Because you have been putting women up on a pedestal since junior high (and probably feeling victimized by your own foolish female worship), you think these seemingly mystical creatures must regard themselves in the same way you do.

Think about something for a moment. What is the main source of value for women in our culture? No-brainer here – its physical beauty.

Next question - what percentage of women would you say have natural, genetic beauty? Five, ten, maybe 20 percent? That means at best, 80 percent of the women walking the planet don’t have what it takes to be recognized as valuable by our screwed up culture. You think they get up every morning, look in the mirror, and get a healthy dose of self-love?

OK, now take the 10 - 20 percent of women who are actually attractive by society’s standards. Every one of them can look around and quickly find at least five women who are younger and/or more attractive than them. Since women have been competing with one another since elementary school, even the really good looking women end up feeling inferior to the women they determine to be better looking than them. This is true no matter how high up the food chain you go. Even supermodels feel inferior next to the newest hot thing.

You think women in general feel good about themselves? Think again.

I’m not writing this to put women down, just to give you a jolt of reality that will allow you to approach women without so much anxiety. If you recognize that women, even the hottest ones, are just wounded creatures walking the planet, you’ll have a lot more success approaching and engaging them.

In the next newsletter, I’m going to give you a fun, engaging way to approach attractive women and see for yourself that what I’m saying is true. It’s an effective opener that I used on a number of very attractive women last weekend around the pool in Vegas.

Stay tuned.

Dr. Robert Glover

[HaagenDas]

So what's the best way to approach a woman who has earphones on and is walking like zombie? I was thinking of just stopping in front of her and moving my lips as if I was saying something and then she would remove her earphones to listen to what I was saying and realize that I wasn't saying anything at all but rather just moving my lips to make her think she couldn't hear me. Are there any other ideas?

I tend to not have a problem at all approaching women when I am with friends. How do I get over the barrier in my head that I have when I approach them when I am alone? Are there any mental excercises that can be done?

[Shockwave]

Originally Posted by DrGlover

I’ve often stated that talking to a woman just because she is hot is the worst possible reason for talking to a woman. Chasing beauty turns attractive women into sexual celebrities – celebrities who seem untouchable to the average guy. It also makes a lot of dubious assumptions about a woman based purely on her looks – that she’ll be fun, good in bed, interesting to talk to, etc.

Here is what you do to yourself when you focus primarily on physical attributes of beauty in women. First, your anxiety typically prevents you from approaching. Second, if you do approach, you do it nervously and awkwardly. Finally, since you have already turned the woman into a sexual celebrity, you will do anything to get her approval. This kind of approval seeking is a total turn-off for women.

Most guys hate that good looking women seem to have all the power, but it is men who give them that power! Whenever you are feeling victimized by the female gender, it is you who have turned yourself into a victim.

With that said, I also believe that you should date women you find attractive. This isn’t a contradiction. What I mean is that in a healthy, mature male, attraction involves much more than just how a woman looks in her jeans or how big her boobies are.

A healthy guy notices a woman’s physical appearance but doesn’t make assumptions about her based purely on her looks. He also knows that good genetic inheritance includes intelligence, creativity and emotional stability.

Most men, even self-confident, mature guys, experience some degree of anxiety when they approach a woman they find attractive (remember, we’re not just talking physical attraction here). Learning to calm this anxiety is essential for approaching desirable women.

So what to do?

The first step in overcoming your anxiety of approaching desirable women is to get out of the house and talk to everyone you meet. This is the foundation of successful approaching. If you put yourself into public situations and talk to everyone you meet, you will become comfortable with approaching strangers. As a result, when you approach a woman to whom you are attracted, you’ll just do what you’ve been doing with every other person you’ve met on a daily basis.

A second way to conquer your anxiety of approaching desirable women is to demystify the feminine gender in general. This is something you rarely hear the dating gurus talk about. Most so-called PUAs actually encourage the worship of attractive women. There is an unspoken assumption that attractive women are some kind of wonderful prize that only goes to the select few who know how to approach, disarm, and conquer.

I’ve been with beautiful women, and in my experience, about all a hot woman can do for you is boost your ego and maybe give you pretty babies. Most women who have gotten by on their looks all their lives haven’t had to work at being interesting or decent human beings. Most have also been objectified and used since they were little girls (this really messes with their heads).

Most men, especially Nice Guys, think women – especially attractive women – are some of kind of super-evolved sect of human beings. The average guy wonders why a relatively attractive woman would want anything to do with him – as if these supernatural creatures are so far above the common man. The average frustrated chump just assumes that every woman who is better looking than him must have high self-esteem.

Here’s a revelation. In general, women have lower self-esteem than most men – including you! That might surprise you, but it’s true. Because you have been putting women up on a pedestal since junior high (and probably feeling victimized by your own foolish female worship), you think these seemingly mystical creatures must regard themselves in the same way you do.

Think about something for a moment. What is the main source of value for women in our culture? No-brainer here – its physical beauty.

Next question - what percentage of women would you say have natural, genetic beauty? Five, ten, maybe 20 percent? That means at best, 80 percent of the women walking the planet don’t have what it takes to be recognized as valuable by our screwed up culture. You think they get up every morning, look in the mirror, and get a healthy dose of self-love?

OK, now take the 10 - 20 percent of women who are actually attractive by society’s standards. Every one of them can look around and quickly find at least five women who are younger and/or more attractive than them. Since women have been competing with one another since elementary school, even the really good looking women end up feeling inferior to the women they determine to be better looking than them. This is true no matter how high up the food chain you go. Even supermodels feel inferior next to the newest hot thing.

You think women in general feel good about themselves? Think again.

I’m not writing this to put women down, just to give you a jolt of reality that will allow you to approach women without so much anxiety. If you recognize that women, even the hottest ones, are just wounded creatures walking the planet, you’ll have a lot more success approaching and engaging them.

In the next newsletter, I’m going to give you a fun, engaging way to approach attractive women and see for yourself that what I’m saying is true. It’s an effective opener that I used on a number of very attractive women last weekend around the pool in Vegas.

Stay tuned.

Dr. Robert Glover

Had to quote it because it's pure gold.

What's even worse is when you see a woman from back in the day you thought was really beautiful or hot, and see how they wound up with some guy who supposedly was "beneath you", or whose probably not even "in your class", so to speak, as if you're better than who they wound up with. NG thinking, to be sure, but also a facet of society and classism that gets rarely discussed. Happened to me many times.

Often times, it's not money, or anything material that will allow you to succeed with women. It's your own confidence and self-esteem that will allow you to score with women and often, it's with any woman you choose, but by the time you get to that point, you realize it's not just her physical beauty that you're evaluating her on, it's the total package.

Wonderful post. Thank you Dr. Glover!

[Groove]

The most beautiful sight is a pair of eyes looking into yours that are in love with you. Everything else is peripheral and unimportant.

If I could only practice this preaching...

Twice in my life I had dating disasters with popular women that I had put on a pedestal. It really turned them off and I allowed that wreck my confidence and life. Thanks for the insight, Dr. Glover. I hope to learn this lesson well.

[Eiji]

I used to go by this axiom...
the more attractive the woman is, the less likely she's "available"..

[JackNicholson]

Originally Posted by DrGlover

I’ve often stated that talking to a woman just because she is hot is the worst possible reason for talking to a woman...

This is an awesome lead-in.

It crystallizes and unifies everything I've read on the subject.

- Jack

[JackNicholson]

Originally Posted by HaagenDas

So what's the best way to approach a woman who has earphones on and is walking like zombie?

HaagenDas,
May be, that was Dr. Glover's main point.

Being a zombie is not the most attractive feature. Zombies are dead creatures. Zombies don't have very good manners. Zombies want to kill you and suck your brain out. Zombies just want to turn you into themselves. And once you've been turned, they lose interest in you and look for someone who's less zombie like.

Besides, zombies have worms, pools of harmful bacterias, and all kinds of parasites. Necrophilia is just not cool. Necrophilia is just not a good idea. Necrophilia is bad. Just say "NO" to necrophilia.

Just treat any female zombies like you would treat any homeless dude who reeks of pee. Stay the hell away from them, and if you happen to be sitting on a bus or in the subway -- make sure they don't sit next to you.

- Jack

[JackNicholson]

Originally Posted by delta-v

With very few exceptions, it seems that these very attractive women actually don't suffer from low self-esteem at all. On the contrary, because of their physical features they often tend to have lots of positive things fall in their lap for no other reason than high cheekbones. This tends to lead to the opposite of low self-esteem; in short, they can easily become very full of themselves and fall into the entitlement trap.

This is just a matter of perspective.

The Mexican illegal immigrant who takes care of your garden (or your neighbors garden) may perceive that *you* are entitled and so full of yourself. While your boss (or your neighbors boss) who earns ten times more than you may look down on you with complete and utter contempt/pity.

It's a matter of perspective.

The truth is that everyone is insecure, no matter what their station in life. Some are just better at hiding it than others. But if you ask them frankly about themselves, and if they trust you, they'll tell you all the ways they're insecure.

- Jack

[optimist]

I think we should focus on the following things first as a top priority-

The quality of her character
Does she have good morals, integrity
her soul, her heart

First check to see if she is a good partner/relationship worthy.

I would hope that as we get older her appearance really isn't as important as it used to be.

I am a short guy, and I wish that women would just chill out about my height. I am still taller than alot of them.

[Red Beard]

Great Post Doc.

Wish I had read it 30 years ago.....but better late then never.....Thanks.

[SyuRi]

wherever i go in my college i just see lots of beautiful girls... i don't really get those 5%... i'd say more like 60%

[HaagenDas]

Originally Posted by JackNicholson

HaagenDas,
May be, that was Dr. Glover's main point.

Being a zombie is not the most attractive feature. Zombies are dead creatures. Zombies don't have very good manners. Zombies want to kill you and suck your brain out. Zombies just want to turn you into themselves. And once you've been turned, they lose interest in you and look for someone who's less zombie like.

Besides, zombies have worms, pools of harmful bacterias, and all kinds of parasites. Necrophilia is just not cool. Necrophilia is just not a good idea. Necrophilia is bad. Just say "NO" to necrophilia.

Just treat any female zombies like you would treat any homeless dude who reeks of pee. Stay the hell away from them, and if you happen to be sitting on a bus or in the subway -- make sure they don't sit next to you.

- Jack

Zombie was perhaps the incorrect description. Basically we here in NYC are very focused on where we need to go. That's why we are stereotyped as rude. Reader's Digest actually named us the friendliest city because we are in fact not rude, but just busy. My whole question was about interpreting more IOIs. Also, I am of a mindset that almost any woman deserves a chance to get to know me. I basically want better ways to find out in a very short interaction whether she and I should get to know each other better. I am just concerned about being fair and giving people a chance to state their case to me.

[Woden]

Thanks Dr. Glover, that's some great stuff.

Man, it's great to be a guy, we don't go through our lives comparing ourselves to each other every day!

[growmyrocks]

Originally Posted by DrGlover

I’ve often stated that talking to a woman just because she is hot is the worst possible reason for talking to a woman.

There is a ZEN saying "the obstacle is the path". For me approaching such woman is an obstacle - in my case the path I should follow would be to approach and talk to women who I find HOTT. It will demystify them, turn them into humans, etc...

[anthony]

I find that it's very true approaching a woman just because she is hot or society's view of hotness is the wrong reason, rather for me, approaching a woman is because of how cute she appears to me personally and through her manerism, style, lifestyle etc. though this is extremely difficult to decipher at first glance! therefore a philosophy I'm now trying is...approach any woman that remotely demonstrates such traits on first chatting; whats the worst outcome? none other than losing out on the chance that the girl you didn't approach was the right one!

With ear-phones? I just walked up to a girl at train station recently and faced her, smiled, and started talking - about her books which were quite old, so centred a thread on books etc. As it turned out she wasn't my type of woman, her mates arrived, and i ejected.

Woman walking on street with ear-phones...well never tried, though it would seem no different than if she hadn't ear phones since she is on a path to some place anyway and by stopping her your now impeding that path. Something short and cocky may work - like asking for directions to a nice park where u could meet a girl like her but not in such a rush listening to poor quality music on ear phones - or to a nice cafe where again another day u could meet girl with such stunning fashion but not in such a rush to block out the real world with ear phones...then number close!?