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  #16  
Old June 1st, 2008, 01:54 PM
optimist optimist is offline
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last thing

It felt really good to say what is on my mind, I've been very angry with women for a very long time, especially after my failure with them.
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  #17  
Old June 1st, 2008, 11:41 PM
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Someone tipped me off that optimist was ranting down here in the Rainbow forum.

Scoundrel, you have a hell of a lot more patience with him than I do. Good luck. You're going to need it.
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  #18  
Old June 2nd, 2008, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by optimist View Post
It felt really good to say what is on my mind, I've been very angry with women for a very long time, especially after my failure with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shockwave View Post
Someone tipped me off that optimist was ranting down here in the Rainbow forum.
Scoundrel, you have a hell of a lot more patience with him than I do. Good luck. You're going to need it.
Optimist, I'm glad you were able to speak your mind. I prefer to keep this thread on the topic of Breaking Free exercises that pertain to gay or bisexual men, but I will respond to your latest comment in your Breaking Frees, since I have a suggestion.
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  #19  
Old December 16th, 2008, 07:39 AM
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Go to a rally

Last month I attended a rally in Milwaukee that was one of many demonstrations against the passage of Proposition 8 in California. I hadn't thought of it in terms of breaking free from Nice Guy Syndrome, but it really had a benefit. Mainly, it was an opportunity to practice expressing anger, rage, frustration, everything.
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  #20  
Old December 23rd, 2008, 08:41 PM
bzndragon bzndragon is offline
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Prop 8 rallies in Montana

We ended up having three rallies. One in Missoula, Billings and one in Bozeman. Because of my total NGness, I wanted nothing to do with the rallies and I even had an excuse, I was 5 hours away from the nearest one (I was visiting my parents) and couldn't do it....and everyone understood because I was with my dad who had been through chemo a couple days before the rally. (I am seeing more and more instances of caretaker, manipulation and lying and am feeling not so good about myself lol--whoops, there's humor coming in to combat it.) Other reasons were that I didn't know what to do if someone said/did something or gay bashing started. I was afraid because I didn't know what to do or how to do it. Plus another thing is that I didn't have anything to do with getting a rally started and I have noticed a tendency to avoid things that I don't plan (like parties, events, etc) because then I don't have a "role" to play, host, and I have to interact with people and try and socialize or if I don't know anyone, try to meet someone to talk to....seems too much effort to do when I have this deep down feeling they won't like me anyways.

Well, I started feeling more and more guilty about not doing anything, especially since I started the gay and lesbian resource center here. So when something came up for work (where I could have handled it from where I was) I used that as an excuse to go home and join the rally here in Bozeman. It was an amazing experience. We had maybe 2 dozen negative responses either in people flipping us the bird, or shaking their heads. And we had over 200 positive responses with honks, waves, smiles and shouts of "right on", "way to to" and the like. And out of that, I met the straight couple who had organized the rally and they are awesome and are now part of our strategy meetings for the resource center.

Before, during, and after the rally, I went through a lot of emotions that I don't normally deal with because I keep myself isolated and walled up. It was definitely a breakthrough to deal with that many emotions and still go through with what I really wanted to do but had been afraid to do, which was attend the rally and actually stand up for myself and my friends.
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  #21  
Old February 14th, 2012, 08:33 PM
Htownhockey Htownhockey is offline
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Hello Marcus,

I'm enjoying reading your posts. As a gay (former) Catholic school boy, it's nice to read posts from another "survivor."
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  #22  
Old February 20th, 2012, 03:01 PM
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Hello Marcus,

I'm enjoying reading your posts. As a gay (former) Catholic school boy, it's nice to read posts from another "survivor."
Hi Htownhockey. I'm glad you've enjoyed the posts, and perhaps even gained something from them. I don't post here as often as I used to. I do log in from time to time, just to reset my perspective. Sometimes I just need to read the success stories again, including my own, in order to remind myself that this really works. Sometimes, I do need another clue by four to the head - thankfully not as often as before.

I do get alerts when someone posts in the Rainbow forum, so I can chime in on any questions or comments posted here. For the most part, the Nice Guy issues are universal, proving again that we're not so different. I suggest focusing on the General Discussion and especially the Breaking Free Activities. The BFAs especially help, because it gets you to answer your own questions. Work at it and see the difference.

Scoundrel, out!
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  #23  
Old July 15th, 2012, 06:30 PM
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Tower of Power Tower of Power is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoundrel View Post
Hi Htownhockey. I'm glad you've enjoyed the posts, and perhaps even gained something from them. I don't post here as often as I used to. I do log in from time to time, just to reset my perspective. Sometimes I just need to read the success stories again, including my own, in order to remind myself that this really works. Sometimes, I do need another clue by four to the head - thankfully not as often as before.

I do get alerts when someone posts in the Rainbow forum, so I can chime in on any questions or comments posted here. For the most part, the Nice Guy issues are universal, proving again that we're not so different. I suggest focusing on the General Discussion and especially the Breaking Free Activities. The BFAs especially help, because it gets you to answer your own questions. Work at it and see the difference.

Scoundrel, out!
Updates?
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  #24  
Old August 17th, 2012, 12:14 PM
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Updates?
OK, you want updates. I was actually doing pretty well, at least so I thought. Trouble is, I wasn't really advancing or doing right by myself. Rather, I had settled into a complacent acceptance of things the way they were. After having some anger management issues, and losing my job because of it, I realized that I had fallen back into Nice Guy habits, and allowed things to build up to a toxic point again. This all happened about the time you asked for the update over a month ago. I'm still not 100% back on my feet yet, and was feeling too ashamed to post about it.

I plan on visiting the forums more regularly again, but will be utilizing other resources like a therapist and a local support group.

There are some positive things going on too. A project that I'm rather excited about, and some improvement in the dating scene. Overall health and fitness is great! And with that, I'm heading to the gym.
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  #25  
Old August 17th, 2012, 12:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoundrel View Post
OK, you want updates. I was actually doing pretty well, at least so I thought. Trouble is, I wasn't really advancing or doing right by myself. Rather, I had settled into a complacent acceptance of things the way they were. After having some anger management issues, and losing my job because of it, I realized that I had fallen back into Nice Guy habits, and allowed things to build up to a toxic point again. This all happened about the time you asked for the update over a month ago. I'm still not 100% back on my feet yet, and was feeling too ashamed to post about it.

I plan on visiting the forums more regularly again, but will be utilizing other resources like a therapist and a local support group.

There are some positive things going on too. A project that I'm rather excited about, and some improvement in the dating scene. Overall health and fitness is great! And with that, I'm heading to the gym.
Welcome back, queer bait. Your type is even harder to scare up around here than the women's folk on the "Partners" sub-forum.

It's good to hear that you are utilizing available resources to overcome your short-term situational issues, and make some longer term gains.

If you missed it, Hawk stepped away for a bit, with a bout of schizophrenia (wow - ). But he's back blurting out his stuff all over the i-net. I hope that you are able to contribute again as well. Don't let shame keep you away from your own recovery.

Keep breaking free!
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What are you DOING about it?
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  #26  
Old December 29th, 2012, 07:31 PM
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@ optimist:
I see it's been a LONG time since you posted these posts. I hope for your sake that your attitude has changed into (ironically) a more optimistic way of thinking. Being gay is by no means easy. It creates a whole new set of struggles straight people probably can't begin to understand. On the other hand, I don't believe my being gay makes my life easier or harder. It's my life, I get dealt a hand and it's up to me how to play it.

@SCOUNDREL:
Thanks a lot for these activities. It offers some new ideas for me. I've recently started connecting to the gay community, and realizing that that are more people with the same struggles, has been comforting. It feels like I'm not the only freak anymore, which in turn means I'm not really that much of a freak after all.

A friend of mine shared some of the thoughts he had in elementary school about undressing for physical education. It was like he was reciting my story. The way it made us feel uncomfortable to undress in front of other guys, thinking they would see me stare. And all the while trying to catch a glimpse, because secretly, it was still interesting.
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