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#1
April 24th, 2012, 03:03 PM
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Neediness as a covert contract
This thought just occurred. I thought is was pretty apt and wanted to see what anybody else thought.
Neediness is a covert contract that states "If I love you, then you will love me back" So the neediness itself is an act of trying to force love. It doesn't work because the foundations of i.e. time, shared experience etc. aren't there for real love to be present so it is an incongruent action which makes the other party uncomfortable for reasons they may not even be able to articulate themselves and sends them running. Then the needy party saps all their energy/personal power wonder why/ pouting about why it didn't work.
__________________
Most of our neurotic behavior is due to the avoidance of legitimate pain --John Bradshaw Intellectualizing about our problems is complex but easy, while doing something about them is simple but difficult --Abraham Low 
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#2
April 24th, 2012, 05:57 PM
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Your first 2 points are rather obvious (if you've read the book) and your third is over complicated.
Is there an incident that made you more aware of the covert contract?
__________________
Decide to make life better, not easier Chase your dreams by design and fix yourself by necessity Integrity is being able to satisfy the challenge that you are what you say you are. I might disagree with you, contradict and challenge you but that doesn't make me right and it doesn't mean I'm not listening. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose", Jim Elliot
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#3
April 24th, 2012, 06:26 PM
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No, just a thought that in occurred in a way that was interesting to me.
__________________
Most of our neurotic behavior is due to the avoidance of legitimate pain --John Bradshaw Intellectualizing about our problems is complex but easy, while doing something about them is simple but difficult --Abraham Low
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