Second date suggestion?

[morepolka]

I met a woman online. We met for coffee, and seemed to hit it off. I am attracted to her, and I believe that she is also attracted to me (she "viewed" my online profile at least twice a day from the time I first communicated with her until our coffee date). I have no doubt she digs me. She was visibly shaking (nervous) at our first date. I was flattered.

We have agreed to meet again for a second date next weekend. I am looking for suggestions for a low-key second date. As a recovering NG, I am at risk of trying too much too soon. However, I don't want to do too little. There is a Saturday wine tasting at a wine store nearby. However, the event ends at 6:00 PM. Is a 90-minute date enough to show my interest in her? Should we go to dinner after (higher $$ investment, but it shows my interest in her)? Skip the wine tasting and jump right to dinner?

Should I meet her there (and drive back home separately)? Or pick her up?

Gawd, I sound so pathetic... It's been a long time since I dated, and I'm not sure what I am doing!

[HotSummerNights]

CHANGED MY ANSWER....

Think of what you would do as a single guy. Do that. You're inviting her along to hang out with you. Whatever that means for you, that's how you decide, what to do, length of date, whether or not to pick up her.

[morepolka]

Originally Posted by HotSummerNights

Think of what you would do as a single guy. Do that. You're inviting her along to hang out with you. Whatever that means for you, that's how you decide, what to do, length of date, whether or not to pick up her.

Great advice. Thanks for the reminder. Invite her along. That's what Dr G would say.
Next time we talk, I'm gonna say, "I'm planning to go to a wine tasting around 4:30. Wanna join me?" And the tasting will be the end of the date.

Like RG says, "Go as slowly as possibly to find out as quickly as possible what her nature is."

Regarding whether to pick her up, I'll keep my options open. I am leaning toward telling her that I will pick her up and measuring her response.

[HotSummerNights]

Originally Posted by morepolka

Great advice. Thanks for the reminder. Invite her along. That's what Dr G would say.
Next time we talk, I'm gonna say, "I'm planning to go to a wine tasting around 4:30. Wanna join me?" And the tasting will be the end of the date.

Like RG says, "Go as slowly as possibly to find out as quickly as possible what her nature is."

Regarding whether to pick her up, I'll keep my options open. I am leaning toward telling her that I will pick her up and measuring her response.

This sounds good. I'd probably be a little more warmer with the invite, but thats just me -- "I'm going to a wine tasting around 4:30, why don't you join me?"

Good luck and you should post the results!

[Adam]

Perfect! If the wine tasting goes well, you might want to extend the date and do something else together!

Haha I can so relate to the shaking, i remember doing that with my ex when we were dating lol

[morepolka]

UPDATE:

Just got home. She met me at the wine store. The wine tasting went very well. We seemed to hit it off, so after the wine was gone, I said, "Let's get something to eat. You hungry?" She immediately grabbed her purse, stood up, and said, "Yes." So we went to eat. And we talked, and after we ate, she got a text that the babysitter was taking the kids to a movie. I said, "Great, more time for us, let's go get a drink at the bar down the road." We left the restaurant and went to a watering hole. Had more wine. Good wine.

We talked until the wine was done, and I ended the evening by suggesting we leave. Got some smooch time at my car before she got in. Drove her back to her car (at the wine tasting place). Told her I would call her. She smiled and said OK. That's it.

I got some T-T-T in throughout the evening. Really amped-up her interest. I could see it.

She digs me. Thanks for listening. And thanks to those who encouraged me with suggestions and support. It helped.

[IcanSayNO]

Thats perfect... letting the evening and your interactions help you to decide what you want to do.

Making too strict or too long of plans can lead you into trouble. I learned that from a massacre of a first date... which through screwy manipulation and poor forethought... led to a 6 hour first date with a woman who said the word "Shit" throughout the date, like she had Turret's... I wanted to stick a knife in my eardrum just so I wouldn't have to hear her say it yet again... I bet it was said between 250-300 times that date.

[Winhamness]

Originally Posted by IcanSayNO

Thats perfect... letting the evening and your interactions help you to decide what you want to do.

I think one of the reasons this is so great is you have no attachment to the outcome. You are doing what you want when you want. No covert contracts.

To some degree, I think you are way overthinking this. Especially, for instance, checking how often she is viewing your profile.

However, your behavior on the date sounds like it was very assertive and integrated. Congrats!

[morepolka]

Thanks for the support.

On match.com, you can see who has viewed your profile, and I noticed that she checks mine nearly every day. I am not hung-up on it. Just flattered, I guess. I noted that she is more into me than I am into her. It's her feminine nature showing.

And yes, I have never acted on a date like I did with her. I led the way, and she followed. In my previous life, "That meal was tasty. Let's go get an after-dinner drink at the pub" would have been, "You wanna go get a drink?" Big difference.

One more thing (this is turning into my dating journal...). I am NOT being exclusive with her. I have a date scheduled for next weekend with somebody else I met online. Juggling multiple women is something I MUST do. The value of comparing/contrasting is priceless. So I keep looking.... Testing for interest. And walking through open doors.

[Boyd]

Originally Posted by morepolka

Thanks for the support.

On match.com, you can see who has viewed your profile, and I noticed that she checks mine nearly every day. I am not hung-up on it. Just flattered, I guess. I noted that she is more into me than I am into her. It's her feminine nature showing.

And yes, I have never acted on a date like I did with her. I led the way, and she followed. In my previous life, "That meal was tasty. Let's go get an after-dinner drink at the pub" would have been, "You wanna go get a drink?" Big difference.

One more thing (this is turning into my dating journal...). I am NOT being exclusive with her. I have a date scheduled for next weekend with somebody else I met online. Juggling multiple women is something I MUST do. The value of comparing/contrasting is priceless. So I keep looking.... Testing for interest. And walking through open doors.

Since this is turning into your dating thread, how's the dating going?

Boyd

[morepolka]

Boyd -
match.com is getting frustrating. Two of the women I messaged agreed to meet for coffee, only to bug-out at the last minute. Then, when I try to reschedule (via email), I hear nothing. In order to avoid seeming needy and desperate, I just drop it, and move on. Though it's been a few weeks for one of them, I plan to send her a text message this week, and try to reschedule. I have nothing to lose trying one last time.

Regardless, it's starting to get frustrating on match. I keep seeing the same women pop-up on my search - women who I don't really want to go out with or women whom I have seen or communicated with, but has gone nowhere. I haven't stopped putting myself out there, trying both in-person and on match, testing for interest.

postscript: Just viewed a woman's profile. Her headline: Nice Guys Only!! Ugh.... too bad I don't qualify...