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Old March 26th, 2013, 06:16 PM
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I could do with laying down some boundaries But

It aint going to work in my case,My ex is creating so much drama whenever I try to arrange when to see my son.
She one minute will agree with something and then the next minute she will change her mind.

I know most of you will say go down the legal route but after reading this article it makes me think why should I bother.

http://www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/family_court.htm

She will say I can pick him up at 5 pm on a Friday and then the next minute change her mind and say no pick him up on Saturday.

She even told my son last week that he will be seeing a lot less of me but when I asked her about this via text message she denied it.

She has reported me to the police for harrasment as when I went to pick my daughter up from hers after she kicked her out and they had a physical fight I gestured that she was a nut case, so accuses me of harrasment because of this.
My daughter was a witness and backs me up saying I did nothing wrong, the police only came to caution me, but from that caution solicitors etc can read the police reports.
I feel as though she is trying to blacken my name as some of my neighbours have already said I have been accused of beating her up.

I have reported this to my solicitor ,so it is on record, yes I did slap her once in our relationship but she says she deserved it.and I know I should not have done it,it is the lowest point of my life but she has exaggerated things to make me look like the bad guy.

...............

Fuck I am so frustrated I feel like I am doing so well but I have no idea how to set boundaries or even come to an agreement with regards to me seeing my son.......
Every word texted to me say she would never stop me from seeing my son,but her actions are very different in that she would like to stop me seeing him, just like her Mum did to her.

She said the police said if I dont agree to things she can go down the route of me having set times, which with being a shift worker ,may be hard for me to implement.

I feel like trying some reverse physcology and saying ok I will see hime every other weekend.
Which would kill me but I feel she would soon need a break as he is very demanding, but also I want to see him as much as possible as she would definitly mould him to her ways ( BPD always shouting at him, he has said he is scared of her shouting,listens to him on the phone and reads his text messages).
I know he would live with me at the drop of the hat but that aint going to happen,my daughter has virtually moved in with me due to my ex behaviour.

I just want my kids to develop naturally , but shit that aint gonna happen
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Old March 26th, 2013, 06:38 PM
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look into Our Family Wizard. Get it written into your custody agreement if you have to. Do all communication through OFW, which is tracked. Then if she pulls crap on you, you can build a case of continuous breach of the custody order, and go back to court. Hopefully the judge will see the stunts she is pulling and put her in her place.
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Old March 26th, 2013, 07:48 PM
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look into Our Family Wizard.
I wish they had that when I was going through all the same things as HTB.

I was assigned a troll of a woman as a GAL. I had to go through her. I also had to pay for supervised visitation at a safe house. All because my nuts ex told the court I hit her.
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Old March 27th, 2013, 02:41 AM
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I'm not sure what to suggest - I'm a bit out of my depth here. I don't think I'd try reverse psychology (its too unpredictable) but it might be worth going through some short term pain to let her know she's not going to jerk you around. When she is all over the place you need to be a rock. I know its all easier said than done but keep working on yourself and don't let her play you.
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Old March 27th, 2013, 04:28 AM
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Thanks,
In the article I posted it basically says court orders are useless in the UK, as they are often breached and rarely enforced .
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Old March 27th, 2013, 05:31 AM
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+1 on the comment about being the rock.

In all of this, be sure to let your children know you love them.

Acknowledge that things are upside down right now and that both Mommy and Daddy are hurting and are really trying their best to deal with what's going on.

Avoid badmouthing their mother. Keep that stuff for here and for talking with your friends about.

Encourage your child to talk if he needs to. Remind him that it's okay if he feels safer to talk to a trusted teacher or a counsellor rather than come to Mom or Dad right away. Assure him you won't be mad or hurt.

Make sure you're taking good care of yourself. Eat well, sleep enough hours, work out, stay away from caffeine and alcohol and other drugs if you can. Spend time with quality friends. Reconnect with people you miss.

It's most important your child understand that despite all that's going on, your love for them will never change and you look forward to when it all blows over and life settles down more. That time will come, and your child out of all of you needs to know this the most from you.

Good luck, keep posting. You'll get through this.

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Old March 27th, 2013, 08:50 AM
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I ended up telling. My son that his mum is making it difficult for me to see him, wrong off me I know but I would like him to know I'm making every effort to see him as much as possible .
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Old March 27th, 2013, 08:55 AM
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Tough spot to be in and I completely understand your situation. Being able to see my son is like pulling teeth. The courts are very anti-male and unless the woman voluntarily gives you custody then you're pretty much screwed (at least here in the States).

At some point you have to say enough. You're right - what you want and the cards on the table are making it so that it ain't just gonna happen. Accept it.

As I sit here my son has a room in my home he has only stayed in a handful of times. When I buy groceries I always buy things that I think he would like to only throw it out a few weeks later. I am here and I will always be here.

Just be there and wait. The day will come when they will be old enough to make their own choices - may be in your favor / may not be. You cannot allow yourself to be paralyzed. You cannot allow yourself to live in a fucked up situation and be held hostage.

I had someone ask me the other day if my situation drove me insane. The answer was it did, but I have to find my peace from knowing that I'm here.
Hang tough brother.
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Old June 21st, 2013, 12:51 AM
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You must go for court and file against her.I think you have your daughter as a witness this time.But she will not be there all the time and you got in any trouble and may be you have to face any legal action.
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Old June 21st, 2013, 01:06 AM
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Hang in there HowToBe. This is rough.
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Old June 22nd, 2013, 07:49 AM
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Hang in there HowToBe. This is rough.

Thanks its an old thread, it seems Edwin is bumping old threads,he also has a link in his sig and is a new poster here.
I am seeing my son loads, she has never stopped me,of course there has been the odd case of drama when I have dropped him back off (like he had the wrong clothes on lol).
I have had to make more time for me as I was having him every weekend, but now have him alternative weekends and the odd Sunday when it is not my weekend plus I have him mid week when I can.
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Old June 24th, 2013, 12:16 PM
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Thanks its an old thread, it seems Edwin is bumping old threads,he also has a link in his sig and is a new poster here.
I am seeing my son loads, she has never stopped me,of course there has been the odd case of drama when I have dropped him back off (like he had the wrong clothes on lol).
I have had to make more time for me as I was having him every weekend, but now have him alternative weekends and the odd Sunday when it is not my weekend plus I have him mid week when I can.
I'm glad things are working.
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Old June 24th, 2013, 01:25 PM
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Thanks for sharing. I find that off time when my kids are with the ex is an opportunity to expand, do things with friends, date, or just being with myself in solitude is also good.

Anyway, that's just me. Sounds like my kids are older (8, 12, 15) than yours and we have a good 50/50 parenting arrangement and a workable co-parenting relationship. I am grateful for this after hearing stories like your's.
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Old June 24th, 2013, 02:26 PM
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Yes I wish mine was more workable.I came face to face with her today for the first time in months (even since finding out she has another man the man I suspected she had an affair with).
My son came round to pick his clothes up, she has a silly arrangement whereas he must go home with the exact same clothes he came with ( even though I paid for all these clothes), well his trainers have either gone missing at cub camp or they went missing from the bags I left at the side of her house while she was out.
So my son gets anxious about upsetting his Mum, so I accompanied him to the car as I knew she would be angry as last time he burst out crying when there was a clothes mix up (I sent him hone with the wrong pair of track suit bottoms on)

So I went to the car and told her his trainers were not here,she flew into a rage calling me dick head and calling me a liar, I nearly lost it and got drawn into her anger,But I managed to remain calm and said I'm sure I packed them but if I have made a mistake and come across them I will return them next time, she continued cursing at me so I kissed my son and told him I would see him on Thursday.

This I feel is how my dealings with her are going to go over the next 10 years, she continues to text me (17 today) and yes they are about my son,they are mostly not worthy of responding too, however If I don't reply she says she will ignore my texts when I text to make arrangements to see my son
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Old June 24th, 2013, 03:25 PM
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Were you watching my house this past weekend?

Oh, yes the old clothes issue, like your trying to fund your retirement by not returning a change of clothes with your child.

When I get my kid that is all I take - him and the clothes on his back at the time. First thing we do when I get him to my house is change him into clothes I keep and the last thing we do before I take him back is change him into the clothes he was wearing when I picked him up.

I keep pick-up and drop off to under 5 minutes.

Be thankful you only have 10 years, I've got 17 and about $200k to go.
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