Overcome Prorastination

[DrGlover]

I would venture a guess that if you took a poll of every Nice Guy, you would find avoiding, not finishing and procrastinating near the top of the list of most common problems. These traits effect pretty much every area of the Nice Guy’s life -- work, personal relationships, household chores, finances.

Why is procrastination such a common problem for Nice Guys? Here is my theory.

The mind is a problem solving machine.

When presented with a problem or challenge, the mind will automatically analyze and predict every possible outcome -- positive and negative. The mind can’t tell the difference between real and perceived outcomes. It treats them all the same and believes that they are all equally possible. It creates it’s own reality based on what it can imagine. These imagined outcomes are often influenced by self-limiting beliefs and past experiences.

In addition, the mind doesn’t distinguish well between past, present and future. Imagined future outcomes feel exactly the same and carry the same weight as experiences from the past and present. The mind can’t tell the difference between a well imagined thought and reality. The creative mind is extremely capable of creating lurid, nightmare scenarios and negative consequences.

Here is an interesting irony. The brighter and/or more creative a person is, the more possible outcomes his mind can imagine. Because they can easily imagine all the possible negative outcomes of any personal endeavor, bright people often get overwhelmed and then procrastinate and avoid. People of limited intelligence can only imagine one or two possible outcomes to any given behavior and often proceed without much thought or anxiety.

Most guys who sign up for my classes, seminars and therapy groups tend to be pretty bright and creative. They have extremely active minds. Unfortunately, they often have lots of anxiety, they have difficulty taking action, they procrastinate and avoid, and they second-guess most decisions they make. They suffer from the “paralysis of analysis.”

I have found that Nice Guys often have a difficult time making front-end decisions and taking front-end actions because of the amazing spectrum of negative and/or frightening possible back-end outcomes.

The Next Action Required

David Allen, a time management guru and consultant, states that lack of action, procrastination, avoidance and unproductively are often the result of two pretty simple issues. The first is too many “open loops". These are all the things hanging over you. Getting the taxes done, calling your parents, making an appointment to get the oil changed, cleaning the garage, etc. These things swirl through your mind, stressing you out and making you feel overwhelmed. This often gets in the way of us actually taking action on these issues.

Further, Allen contends, your mind believes that you should be working on all open loops -- right now. Since you can’t do more than one thing at once, your mind beats you up and makes you feel guilty. Unfortunately, this does nothing to motivate you to action.

Allen suggests constantly writing down all the things your mind commits itself to doing. Just writing them down helps close the loops and takes away stress and guilt.

Once these things are written down, Allen says you need to determine the “next action required” for each activity or project. This means determining a very specific, do-able behavior. If the item can be completed in two minutes or less, he suggests doing it now. No matter how big or complex a project might be, all you initially need to do for each is to write down it’s next action required. Not all the actions required, just the next action required.

Here is where you probably run into trouble. Not only do you not have all your projects written down on a list that is readily accessible and regularly reviewed, you probably rarely identify the next action required for each project.

This is crucial, because if the next action required is not clearly identified, your mind will picture the demands of the project in it’s entirety -- or at least what your mind “imagines” the demands will be. Since some projects require many actions, this feels overwhelming. (Although many require just one next action.)

Ever notice this? You have been putting off making a phone call for two weeks because your mind believes it will be difficult or painful or that you’ve already waited too long, and then when you finally make the call, it turns out to take about two minutes and has a positive outcome?
When your mind feels overwhelmed, it tends to stress out, shut down, and avoid. This all leads to procrastination, unproductively, shame and guilt.

Like many of the guys with whom I work, you are probably intelligent but have a difficult time following through with the things you would like to accomplish in life. The problem isn’t that you aren’t smart enough or talented enough. The problem is usually this simple:

1) You have too many open loops circulating through your mind, and/or
2) You have not clearly defined the next action required.

Nice Guys tend to make most things in life way too complicated. As a result, they end often end up doing nothing at all. The goal is to make the process simple, which increases the odds of you acting in a way that leads to success and desired outcomes.

You have probably resolved to start the new year right. So here are two things you can do right now to keep your promise to yourself. Get your pda, Outlook, or a notebook and start writing down all the undone projects circulating through your mind. Close the loops. This act alone will probably relieve a tremendous amount of stress. Second, write down the next action required for each project. Third, pick one action and do it.

Congratulations! You are on your way to a very productive 2007.

Robert Glover

[One Of A Kind]

Originally Posted by The Doc

Ever notice this? You have been putting off making a phone call for two weeks because your mind believes it will be difficult or painful or that you’ve already waited too long, and then when you finally make the call, it turns out to take about two minutes and has a positive outcome?
When your mind feels overwhelmed, it tends to stress out, shut down, and avoid. This all leads to procrastination, unproductively, shame and guilt.

Great post Doc. This is what I found happened a lot. The fear of actually doing it was FAR worse than the act itself. You've just gotta stop thinking and DO IT.

Ps. I gotta teach you how to spell proCrastination

[Oracle]

My God, you are truly a brilliant man.

I recently posted a thread that discussed my hesitance to purchase a new laptop because of my financial issues. This line really resonated with me:

Originally Posted by DrGlover

When presented with a problem or challenge, the mind will automatically analyze and predict every possible outcome -- positive and negative. The mind can’t tell the difference between real and perceived outcomes. It treats them all the same and believes that they are all equally possible. It creates it’s own reality based on what it can imagine.

I thought to myself, "What if I don't make any money in the next month? Then I'll be back to square one! Oh God...should I use this money to make the laptop purchase? Maybe I should keep it just in case? But wait, I need a laptop to go to my job. Oh crap...What now?!?"

I just decided to buy it and work things out. You know what? The very next day, I was informed that I received three referrals in real estate that are going to settlement in January. THREE.

I am sitting here typing this on my very first laptop (that I own).

And you're right. I'm a very creative guy. My mind went into overdrive, thinking about every last possibility (to every girl I've liked seeing me on the street homeless).

All I had to do was bite the bullet, take the next step, and face the consequences.

I'm glad you posted, because I was starting to have the same issue with a new Palm Treo. (Should I get the one based on the Palm operating system or the Windows Mobile operating sytem? I spent five hours thinking of every possibility. My head started to hurt. I'm going right now to the office to place my order for a Treo 700wx, the Windows one. I'm just going to decide on one, and enjoy what I have)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for that lovely post.

[small_head]

Thanks this is exactly one of the things I am working on with my therapist. This helps me explan and understand it better!

[thatguy]

For years I've realized that I was more efficient at accomplishing things if I make a to-do list first. My motto for years has been "Make a List!!" But in recent years my life has seemed to become very complicated. I work in tech support so there is always a hundred things that must be completed by yesterday or it seems the world will fall apart. It gets worse each year because more and more technologies and people are added where I work, but oddly support staff has been cut.

So I've been paralyzed every time I make a to-do list. Somehow I've started to see each item as being needed YESTERDAY, so I drop everything in a crisis to go do this thing that maybe I haven't even planned yet. And I try to do it from a list in my head to be quick. It is crazy.

Focusing on "next actions" is helping me to prioritize and plan without going too far; and without getting lost in my head because of all of the possible crises and outcomes.

I am making and using a to-do list for each project which shows what is needed so that I understand what I need to do next. Then I am able to partition my work day to work on multiple projects, doing one "next action" at a time for maybe an hour on each project, without worrying about the future. That helps me to focus and get things done.

Since one problem where I work is that many people don't seem to care how much a project will cost, and they don't care about overruns either, many projects start small and become huge. Cycling through next actions on multiple projects means most people get what is most needed and nobody is able to hog all of my time for themselves.

Thank you Dr. Glover, I am very grateful that you have introduced this concept to us.

[carlo]

Hey doc, great advice. I am actually getting excited about responsibility. I love it.

BTW there is a typo in the title i.e. Prorastination.

[Scoundrel]

Originally Posted by carlo

BTW there is a typo in the title i.e. Prorastination.

Don't worry, he'll fix it tomorrow.

[RufWarrior]

Here's an article that just came out showing that people that procrastinate are unhappier.

http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepu...ation0112.html

[ubermacht003]

http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p...0:fs5gtq1ztu44

[orchestral]

I just want to echo what everyone else is saying: this article was incredibly helpful! I came up with a list of 34 "open loops" that have been running through my mind. Getting them out of my head and onto paper was a HUGE relief. Thank you!!

[Ironclad-IM]

Well, that explains a few things. Ever since I was younger I had problems making descisions. A simple but perfect example was when I had a part time job and would go to the used stuff store to buy a "new" atari game. (One of my favorite things to hide away in.) Anyway, I would spend like 2 - 3 hours starring at the stack of games. I remember so many senarios going through my head about if I bought that one or this one, or maybe I should use the money for somthing else, or as someone else said above what if I lost my job tommorrow, what if, what if, what if, I would just end up standing there and starring.

My best friend at the time stopped going with me because we wold end up waiting a saturday afternoon in the store. He'd go in take ten minutes to get what he wanted and then wander the store waiting on me.

And here I thought I was just nuts. Thanks so much.

[upthecrick]

Making a list sounds fine, but I often find myself putting stuff on those lists
that doesn't need to be done. For example, I need to buy some new T-shirts, eventually, but not right now, if I put that item on the list I'm going to waste
my day trying to find a deal on T-shirts.

I need to buy new camp gear (like a tent) but if I think about it
I'll spend the next 3 weeks trying to find a great deal. It's really no big deal
I might save a few big bucks by looking around but I'll wast my entire weekend.

I sometimes find that making those lists just gets me overwhelmed. I tend to thing oh cr*p, I got to much to do, let me spend then next 2 hours
thinking about what really needs to be done.

[boomfa]

I think this is also related to the discussion regarding distractions. I too have lists, but my problem is I have one on a loose piece of paper, one in my calendar, one on my work computer, one on my home computer. Where should this list be?

[dll]

upthecrick and boomfa:

I've followed the GTD (Getting Things Done) program for a few months now. A fewpoints that might help:

upthecrick: part of the relief you experience is when you end up writing all this down, but like you've experienced, if you've got too much, you might get overwhelmed. You need to put each of these tasks into a 'bucket' which typically represents a physical place, such as "work", "home", "running errands", "telephone", etc. There is a lot more to the GTD plan, but fear not, it actually helps relieve your stress, and provides a sense of order. I think you'll like it if you give it a chance, but you'd have to read more than just Dr. Glover's intro, but his is a wonderful start

Boomfa: You also need to read up on how GTD works. One of the key things to the program is knowing that when you write this stuff down, you'll be able to not only retrieve it later, but you'll be able to organize it as well. There is a weekly review you commit to that pulls it all together. You can have multiple places that you keep this stuff, but you need to make sure and have the weekly review where you pull your multiple lists together.

I'm a big fan of using technology, but David Allen says you can use pen and paper, 3x5 note cards, whatever you like. Technology typically helps me since I can search fast, type fast, and I'm usually around a computer or my palm pilot/phone. A good system must be FAST. You don't want to take 60 seconds to write down an idea, the system loses it's value that way. You want a system where you can write a thought into it, and KNOW that you'll get back to it soon.

I highly recommend reading it. For anybody who is a time management student, it's really good material. He does go off a little on the deep end when it comes to organizing things (like taking CEO's out to Office Depot and buying folders for them and labeling them) but 80% of his book is helpful or at least insightful.

I was a big Franklin/Covey fan, and still am, but I'm finding a good mix between these two methods. I use GTD during my daily activities so I keep track of what needs to happen next, etc. But I try to use Franklin Covey to guide my direction. It's kind of like the difference between keeping track of your receipts versus deciding where to spend your money. You need to have both a dynamic list that adjusts to where you are that tells you what you need to do, *AND* you need to be able to adjust that list so you don't lose balance in your life, otherwise you're just "getting things done" (note the lower case letters versus Getting Things Done But are you getting the right things done?

I would also suggest some other software I've found helpful: http://www.llamagraphics.com has a nice program called Life Balance. I think you'll be pleased with it.

so much for my shpeel. Now back to chapter 1, doing my BF exercises, and writing down my results.

Damon

[boomfa]

dll,

Thanks for the feedback. I think that's helpful.