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Old September 2nd, 2010, 11:05 AM
bigdogg238 bigdogg238 is offline
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Tired of the wife bitching

Guys, just need to get this off my chest. If I hear my wife say one more damn time that she has done everything for me and our family and not done anything for herself. I am going to lose my freakin mind.

I have told her to go do something, go out with your friends, get a side job to help us out, but for the love of God do something, besides bitch about how you do nothing for yourself. It's not like I haven't said on many occasions that I will watch the kids so that you can do something!!! So just do it, its not that hard, or make arrangements for someone to babysit the kids for an hour, but she won't do that at all. We'll once again, not my problem. I am tired of being the one to come up with solutions. Figure it out, its not that hard!!!
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 11:16 AM
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My wife like yours was the classic I work so hard and do nothing for me so please everybody look and feel sorry for me. Oh the hours I toil.

Its all victim mentality. I know the big problem for us is the lack of communication and my wife will not communicate well on personal subjects.

does your wife have a married close girl friend that you like and consider stable?? If so why not suggest a weekend away for the two of them just the women.

I give my wife a weekend away with a couple of her girlfriends for her birthday every year. Yes you will hear the BS well why not get them a guy while you are at it and that's BS. If you wife is going to cheat she will cheat she does not need to leave town to do it.

My wife enjoys the calm all girl weekend once a year and it really helps.

Stop asking her what does she want and tell her you are going to do X

I think she might be saying something is missing or not right but cloaks it in a vicitm mentality.

Do you ever just go away the two of you?

when I mean go away I don't mean disneyland or some event where there are 5 million people and its fun but at the end of the day you are so stressed out for the crowds that you are exhausted.

You both need to re-focus and re-charge the batteries.

good luck
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 11:58 AM
bigdogg238 bigdogg238 is offline
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trying to

Yeah, I try to get her to go out with the one friend that she has as much as possible. Time for ourselves, that's a good one. Once in a blue moon. I want to have more of that time, but I'm not sure how to get it. Our 3 year old is sleeping in our bed still. Go figure.
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 12:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdogg238 View Post
Yeah, I try to get her to go out with the one friend that she has as much as possible. Time for ourselves, that's a good one. Once in a blue moon. I want to have more of that time, but I'm not sure how to get it. Our 3 year old is sleeping in our bed still. Go figure.
well we raised 3 kids and 2 grand kids so we have had the kid come to our bed at night many times. put them in their bed and if they wake up they know they can come in for comfort from mom and dad, over time it stops.

3 is a bit old but the grandson was 4 when it stopped.

Is working on the house or yard or all the other things you have to do really as important as the entire relationship?

when we are all gone the weeds in the yard will win and we will be gone.

try being spontanous and tell your wife we need to have ( family or good safe friend ) sit and we need to have a weekend away just the two of us.

The weekend away means time it does not mean a honeymoon of non-stop sex ( even if you would love it ) it means time to be the two of you.

a night out with a GF is fine ( as long as its not clubbing till 3 am ) but a
sat and sun away gives her more unwind time.

all of this will not happen in two weeks but think and try one thing.
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unlike fine wine unresolved problems do not get better with age

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Old September 2nd, 2010, 12:45 PM
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What happens when you try to get her to do something with the friend? Does she call her up and arrange something? Does she find excuses not to?
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 12:51 PM
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If you are asking me here is what I do:

I say your birthday is coming up, give me 3 places you would like to go with your GF's and I will see what's available.

If its out for dinner and girl talk my wife has a small group and they meet for birthday's or once ever 5-6 weeks and go out and have dinner they are gone about 3 hours, its good for her and it makes me do something without her if I want to.

If you say, hey do what you want it can be viewed as you don't give a crap or you really don't mean it.

problem is what guys consider normal talk a wife when there is problems in the marriage look for the depth of a single word to change the entire meaning and then its on.

my wife and I pick times that work for both of us.
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Don't take the bait.

Find your self respect, if you do not respect yourself
why would anybody else respect you?

unlike fine wine unresolved problems do not get better with age

A wife or girlfriend like a husband or boyfriend can
be changed or replaced your children are yours for
life don't forget them in your recovery
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 04:09 PM
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This may seem over simplistic but when I see a big disconnect from words and action, I assume it is total bullshit. Then there is some other reason she is throughing all this out at you. Probably, she is trying to emotionally manipulate you into doing something she wants and the "i never do anything for myself" is just emotional leverage to control you.

Chevy's "don't take the bait" should be tatooed on our foreheads.

I think asking some key questions to direct her to her point might help:

What is your fucking point?
Is this going somewhere?
What do you want?
What are you going to do about this?

Or some key statements:

I too want this for you--set a date
I hear you saying you want this but I see nothing happening--what is the next step for you? (or what keeps you from moving forward?)

Or state what you are willing or not willing to do:

I can't do this for you.
I'll watch the kids when your ready to take a break.
I don't want to hear about this anymore--I feel like we are treading over old ground.

ultimatlely I think this smacks of "I suffer so much for you and the kids . .. you owe me!"

Does this help?
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 04:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdogg238 View Post
Time for ourselves, that's a good one. Once in a blue moon. I want to have more of that time, but I'm not sure how to get it. Our 3 year old is sleeping in our bed still. Go figure.
My 3-year hops in to bed a lot too. I have three kids.

Solution: have sex during the day. Problem solved. I amazed at how ridiculously simple it is, once you shift your priorities.

You need time as a couple to focus on each other every day. Sitting in the same room reading doesn't count, both your attention needs to be on the other person 100%. Length of time doesn't matter as much as frequency. No time for sex? Lock the door, and let the kids scream from 5 minutes while you kiss. Two minutes. It really is that simple.

Find two minutes.
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 04:50 PM
nomorenice nomorenice is offline
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"I amazed at how ridiculously simple it is, once you shift your priorities."

If one goes beyond all women's crap-talk.
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 05:09 PM
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Your wife needs to feel your strength. The next time she starts bitching push her into a room --lock the door, bend her over and fuck her silly. No soft words.... just remind her your a man and you are a STRONG man.

Its what she is asking for.
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 05:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corsair View Post
This may seem over simplistic but when I see a big disconnect from words and action, I assume it is total bullshit. Then there is some other reason she is throughing all this out at you. Probably, she is trying to emotionally manipulate you into doing something she wants and the "i never do anything for myself" is just emotional leverage to control you.

Chevy's "don't take the bait" should be tatooed on our foreheads.

I think asking some key questions to direct her to her point might help:

What is your fucking point?
Is this going somewhere?
What do you want?
What are you going to do about this?

Or some key statements:

I too want this for you--set a date
I hear you saying you want this but I see nothing happening--what is the next step for you? (or what keeps you from moving forward?)

Or state what you are willing or not willing to do:

I can't do this for you.
I'll watch the kids when your ready to take a break.
I don't want to hear about this anymore--I feel like we are treading over old ground.

ultimatlely I think this smacks of "I suffer so much for you and the kids . .. you owe me!"

Does this help?
Yes. This is exactly what you need to do.
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  #12  
Old September 2nd, 2010, 08:08 PM
thenumi thenumi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by checked View Post
Your wife needs to feel your strength. The next time she starts bitching push her into a room --lock the door, bend her over and fuck her silly. No soft words.... just remind her your a man and you are a STRONG man.

Its what she is asking for.
That seems to be a one-size-fits-all answer for you.

Out of curiosity do you say this as an over the top expression of getting the man to lead, or is it literal and something that really, really worked well for you?
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 08:26 PM
checked checked is offline
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Quote:
Out of curiosity do you say this as an over the top expression of getting the man to lead, or is it literal and something that really, really worked well for you?
Both. But if a woman is bitching it isnt really our job as men to figure out why she is...... knowing that most of the time she isnt bitching about what is really bothering her.

When a child wants an adults attention it doesnt really matter if its in a positive manner or a negative one. Ive seen this with my granddaughter-- if you dont pay attention to her the first time she will intentionally spill something, or fall down or whatever. Wives do the same thing-- but they want to feel ....encapsulated, warmed ..... embraced.

With my wife it does work -- most of the time. She wants to feel my strength, my passion for life, my "manness". Even if she gets nothing out of it (orgasm) she still gets my attention and focus. As a woman she needs this to feel centered with her life.

I think that if more men intentionally did this..... acted manly, crudely and passionate to a womans storms.... there would be more men who acted like it and more women who had stars in their eyes for their hubbies.
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Old September 2nd, 2010, 08:45 PM
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STOP giving her advice when she bitches. If it's something important, just listen. If not, tell her you don't want to listen to her problems right now. Or maybe Checked's advice - take her to the bed.

The WORST thing to do with a bitching woman is give her advice, especially if she hasn't asked for it. A lot of men assume a woman is asking for advice when bitching, but they're just venting. It's what they do.
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  #15  
Old September 3rd, 2010, 08:21 AM
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I have a warning on all this bitching.

If you hop out of your shoes and into hers is it BS or not.

My wife would bitch for no damn good reason and I was always left like what the fuck.

Then i found out she was cheating. Just a word of warning on that.

The other aspect is to me when this happens their is a two prong approach. One is the book "When I Say No I feel Guilty". When I can use the tactics listed their I keep my cool and feel like I win against BS yelling with no reason. I often now when i handle myself well feel like I won. Me winning is a stop and response to BS. My W will still be mad and to me that is good. Negative consequence for BS.

I gave away control too long as well. Just make plans and if she bitches about them do them anyways. People who are misserable love company.

In cases with the bitchy wife it gets worse before it gets better because the bitching worked for so damn long. They are going to crazy push your buttons when they stop working.
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