My dilema with my girlfriend

[spucrl]

About 3 months ago I started to date this girl I've known since early high school. We get along well with most things and enjoy each others company. I found out about No More Mr. Nice Guy about 3 weeks ago and my view on our relationship has drastically changed. From what I've been reading in the book I feel as if I should break this relationship apart. What started this relationship for me was a want of sex. I never had sex in my life before due to an addiction to masturbation. In May I joined the Reddit community NoFap that helps men deal with their masturbation addiction. Now I haven't masturbated in 84 days which is a great accomplishment for me. I feel as if the start of this relationship was because of a want of sex and my unconscious attraction to relationships that make my childhood parenting real again. I don't know if I should continue this relationship because I don't feel the same towards her as I did before I read this book. I also feel as if it would be extremely hard to break up because it would hurt her too. The book also told me that I should only look out for my happiness though. Could I get some advice on this?

[Spanky]

I'd sit tight for at least a few, and get started on the breaking free exercises in the book. Then re-evaluate when you feel that you have a handle on who you are.

I also feel as if it would be extremely hard to break up because it would hurt her too.

classic NG stuff, being a good ender is important when the situation warrants it

How old are you?

[For Me]

Originally Posted by spucrl

I found out about No More Mr. Nice Guy about 3 weeks ago and my view on our relationship has drastically changed.

Take a breath and relax a little... what you may be 'feeling' is not a change in view of the 'relationship', but a change in view about YOURSELF. No need to destroy the relationship if it is going along well simply because you have discovered things about yourself.

Seperate the relationship from your personal growth and evaluate each fairly and rationally. You stated the relationship is going well, and if it is still what you want, and fits the 'new you', then great. If there is something wrong with the relationship, or your eyes have been opened that you aren't happy in the relationship, or she isn't adding to your life, then be a good ender for both your sakes.

Just remember that there will be a lot of 'Ah-Ha' moments as you explore your NG'ness. You might not want to go around destroying every relationship because you learn a new secret about yourself.

Step back and re-evaluate everything... then make a decision...

[spucrl]

I just turned 21 Spanky.

Thanks for the replies, I definitely think my reactions were a bit rushed so il take my time with assessing the situation.

[Spanky]

Originally Posted by spucrl

Thanks for the replies, I definitely think my reactions were a bit rushed so il take my time with assessing the situation.

y, it can be a bit of a shock to read through the program, and see all kinds of stuff you want to change instantly. but your first response to where you think you should be, and how you'll feel after a few weeks of working the BFE's will prob be a bit different. good that you seem to recognize this

[RufWarrior]

I have a plan for single guys in their 20s in ny signature. I recommend learning about character and I think staying in this relationship would be good for now , but post more here.

[coaltrain]

you are absolutely normal, there is nothing wrong with you, don't end your relationship.

[Boricua]

Wow, they actually have a NoFap forum? The things they come up with (pun intended).

The world can seem like a very black-and-white place, but in reality it isn't.

And just because someone told you that you create relationships based on your childhood parentage doesn't necessarily make it so - although it CAN have a strong influence at times. However, I don't believe anyone is an automaton destined to fail just because they don't follow the stringent rules of good psychological hygiene.

I think the first step is to relax. Maybe you're scared of getting too close to your girlfriend (because you're scared that the relationship will fail and that you'll get hurt)? So now you've found a convenient way to justify ditching her by reading about how everything is "wrong" in your relationship?

Instead of putting the focus on her and everything that's "wrong," put the focus back on yourself. What do you want? What is the purpose of all of this panic?

[Devile]

Exactly, Bori - this entire site is to help YOU achieve what YOU want and get YOUR needs met. There'll be collateral fallout from the breaking free journey. You'll unburden yourself and unfortunately that might be people whom you (may) care for dearly.