No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group  

Go Back   No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group > Discussion > Teens & 20s

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old October 18th, 2012, 09:36 PM
spucrl spucrl is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
spucrl has no reputation
My dilema with my girlfriend

About 3 months ago I started to date this girl I've known since early high school. We get along well with most things and enjoy each others company. I found out about No More Mr. Nice Guy about 3 weeks ago and my view on our relationship has drastically changed. From what I've been reading in the book I feel as if I should break this relationship apart. What started this relationship for me was a want of sex. I never had sex in my life before due to an addiction to masturbation. In May I joined the Reddit community NoFap that helps men deal with their masturbation addiction. Now I haven't masturbated in 84 days which is a great accomplishment for me. I feel as if the start of this relationship was because of a want of sex and my unconscious attraction to relationships that make my childhood parenting real again. I don't know if I should continue this relationship because I don't feel the same towards her as I did before I read this book. I also feel as if it would be extremely hard to break up because it would hurt her too. The book also told me that I should only look out for my happiness though. Could I get some advice on this?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old October 18th, 2012, 09:52 PM
Spanky Spanky is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 162
Spanky has one gold star
I'd sit tight for at least a few, and get started on the breaking free exercises in the book. Then re-evaluate when you feel that you have a handle on who you are.

Quote:
I also feel as if it would be extremely hard to break up because it would hurt her too.
classic NG stuff, being a good ender is important when the situation warrants it

How old are you?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old October 19th, 2012, 08:35 AM
For Me's Avatar
For Me For Me is offline
Oracle of Masculinity
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 5,061
For Me has five gold starsFor Me has five gold starsFor Me has five gold starsFor Me has five gold starsFor Me has five gold stars
Quote:
Originally Posted by spucrl View Post
I found out about No More Mr. Nice Guy about 3 weeks ago and my view on our relationship has drastically changed.
Take a breath and relax a little... what you may be 'feeling' is not a change in view of the 'relationship', but a change in view about YOURSELF. No need to destroy the relationship if it is going along well simply because you have discovered things about yourself.

Seperate the relationship from your personal growth and evaluate each fairly and rationally. You stated the relationship is going well, and if it is still what you want, and fits the 'new you', then great. If there is something wrong with the relationship, or your eyes have been opened that you aren't happy in the relationship, or she isn't adding to your life, then be a good ender for both your sakes.

Just remember that there will be a lot of 'Ah-Ha' moments as you explore your NG'ness. You might not want to go around destroying every relationship because you learn a new secret about yourself.

Step back and re-evaluate everything... then make a decision...
__________________
I have come to the cross-roads in my life. I always knew what the right path was... but I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard! Now here's FOR ME... He has chosen a path. It's the right path... a path made of principle that leads to character...
- Scent of a Woman

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"
- Who Moved My Cheese?

NO FEAR, NO DOUBT, ALL IN, BALLS OUT!
- Nickelback

Lt Speirs to a NG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5YpUsDsHmk
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old October 19th, 2012, 12:23 PM
spucrl spucrl is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
spucrl has no reputation
I just turned 21 Spanky.

Thanks for the replies, I definitely think my reactions were a bit rushed so il take my time with assessing the situation.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old October 19th, 2012, 02:10 PM
Spanky Spanky is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 162
Spanky has one gold star
Quote:
Originally Posted by spucrl View Post
Thanks for the replies, I definitely think my reactions were a bit rushed so il take my time with assessing the situation.
y, it can be a bit of a shock to read through the program, and see all kinds of stuff you want to change instantly. but your first response to where you think you should be, and how you'll feel after a few weeks of working the BFE's will prob be a bit different. good that you seem to recognize this

Last edited by Spanky; October 28th, 2012 at 08:36 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old October 19th, 2012, 08:42 PM
RufWarrior RufWarrior is offline
Oracle of Masculinity
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 11,042
RufWarrior has five gold starsRufWarrior has five gold stars
I have a plan for single guys in their 20s in ny signature. I recommend learning about character and I think staying in this relationship would be good for now , but post more here.
__________________
RufWarrior's plan for the single guy wanting to recover, necessary for a fulfilling life and a healthy, sexual relationship with a really great woman
The Plan
Need support? Read and post on the threads of other men working the plan
Men reporting success with the plan
I am not trained in mental health. I just found resources to understand the natural laws about the problem, and solutions one would then understand.

Suggested reading on Networking and Doing Well in Your Career
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old October 20th, 2012, 09:06 PM
coaltrain's Avatar
coaltrain coaltrain is offline
Integration Crusader
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,374
coaltrain has no reputation
you are absolutely normal, there is nothing wrong with you, don't end your relationship.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old October 24th, 2012, 12:25 AM
Boricua's Avatar
Boricua Boricua is offline
Integration Crusader
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2,460
Boricua has five gold starsBoricua has five gold stars
Wow, they actually have a NoFap forum? The things they come up with (pun intended).

The world can seem like a very black-and-white place, but in reality it isn't.

And just because someone told you that you create relationships based on your childhood parentage doesn't necessarily make it so - although it CAN have a strong influence at times. However, I don't believe anyone is an automaton destined to fail just because they don't follow the stringent rules of good psychological hygiene.

I think the first step is to relax. Maybe you're scared of getting too close to your girlfriend (because you're scared that the relationship will fail and that you'll get hurt)? So now you've found a convenient way to justify ditching her by reading about how everything is "wrong" in your relationship?

Instead of putting the focus on her and everything that's "wrong," put the focus back on yourself. What do you want? What is the purpose of all of this panic?
__________________
Boricua's BF Thread: http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forum...t=14656&page=5

"A Man's Got To Know His Limitations...and kick those limitations straight in the nuts and keep moving forward." - Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry in "Magnum Force" - with modification by me.

A collection of useful threads! Read!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old October 28th, 2012, 08:35 PM
Devile Devile is offline
O.S.G. Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 713
Devile has no reputation
Exactly, Bori - this entire site is to help YOU achieve what YOU want and get YOUR needs met. There'll be collateral fallout from the breaking free journey. You'll unburden yourself and unfortunately that might be people whom you (may) care for dearly.
__________________
Leadership Group Coordinator and Co-Founder: NMMNG Support Group - Melbourne Chapter

"The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it." - Marcus Aurelius

Are we not men? Join Devile's Challenge Challenge 2013!

Still thinking about your ex? Here's what I have to say about it
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:30 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.