Dating Essentials for Men

[DrGlover]

Talk to women everywhere you go. It is good practice.

Remove every form of the word “rejection� from your vocabulary.

Don't worry about outcomes.

Listen to what a woman tells you, not what she says.

A Woman's actions are more important than her words.

Every relationship is a miracle. Expect miracles.

Set the tone.

Test for interest level.

Test again.

Make her laugh.

"Let's be friends,"� is the kiss of death.

You won't meet many women at home by yourself watching TV, surfing the net, or playing video games.

Get a life.

Always tell the truth.

Remember, there are boatloads of good women out there.

Tease.

Never defend or explain yourself. It makes you look and feel weak.

Spending too much time with women with whom you are not having sex makes you less attractive to other women.

Never underestimate a woman's desire to be in a relationship.

Go to where the women are.

Make and hold eye contact.

Rid yourself of self-limiting beliefs.

Self-confidence is the most powerful aphrodisiac.

Take the lead.

Make your bed every day.

Walk through open doors of opportunity. You rarely get a second chance.

Don't expect her to close the deal, that's your job.

Listen.

Don't be too available.

Women are the icing, not the cake.

Pay for the first date, but keep it cheap.

Keep your bathroom and kitchen clean.

Don't become her girlfriend.

Always be willing to walk away if necessary.

Spend as much or more time with men as you do with women.

Listening to women talk about their problems is not effective foreplay.

Telephones and email are for setting up dates, not chatting.

No gifts, surprises, expensive dates or trips in the first three months of a relationship.

Always open her door.

Keep your car immaculate.

Don't try to impress. She either has interest in you or she doesn't.

Talking to a woman JUST because she is "HOT"� is one of WORST possible reasons for talking to a woman.

ASAP* -- Dating Essentials for Men (*Attitude, Skills, Application)
A 12 Hour Workshop for Men with Robert A. Glover, Ph.D.
August 20 & 21, 2005, Paragon Hotel, Bellevue, WA

Contact Dr. Glover for information and registration:
robert@nomoremrniceguy.com

[Aslan]

I like all but your fourth point which I would change to: Pay attention to what a woman does, not what she says. Otherwise, perfect.

Although, now that I think about it, if you think of a "tell" in poker, it fits as well.

[DrGlover]

Aslan, I've added another point to the list.

A woman's actions are more important than her words.

Thanks. Robert

[JackNicholson]

Great list.

[Janir]

The Doc's dating seminar sounds like a interesting idea.
If I can scrape the cash I may just go.

[Woden]

Thanks Doc, you're now my #1 dating guru!

I like this list, it's all real life advice and not how to be a "playah" in the dating game. I'll definitely be saving a copy for download into my handheld.

[WillDO]

Nice list Dr. G, I like how you don't advise any routines or games.

[Shockwave]

I should frame that.

Thanks Doc.

[DrGlover]

Being a "good ender"� is an essential skill for successful dating.
You have to say goodbye to Ms. Wrong before you can hello to Ms. Right.
In every relationship, someone is going to get left.
Sometimes you have to let go of the things you love in order to get the things you want.
Never settle. Ever.
If after 90 days you're not sure she's the one, she probably isn't.
Breaking up is hard to do. But the sooner, the easier.
If the relationship needs to end, be the man and do what needs to be done.

Feel free to post your one-line "Essentials."

Robert

[Josepi63]

Originally Posted by DrGlover

Being a “good ender� is an essential skill for successful dating.
You have to say goodbye to Ms. Wrong before you can hello to Ms. Right.
In every relationship, someone is going to get left.
Sometimes you have to let go of the things you love in order to get the things you want.
Never settle. Ever.
If after 90 days you’re not sure she’s the one, she probably isn’t.
Breaking up is hard to do. But the sooner, the easier.
If the relationship needs to end, be the man and do what needs to be done.

Feel free to post your one-line "Essentials."

Robert

Ahah! Now there's list I need! Anyone who has read my posts knows what I mean. Each item on this second list is a kick in the ass.

Attracting women and starting a relationship isn't the hard part for me. The hard part is knowing what to do once in a relationship and that causes me to lose control of it. I tend to stick around for too long when I'm not sure she is "the one".

Any tips on helping decide whether ot not the one you are with is "the one"?

Good ender?????? HA!!

Thanks for your post Dr. G.

Joe

[Terra Firma]

Well, the new test I'm using is this:

How do I feel?

In the past relationships felt like a protracted SAT exam -- I was always feeling off balance, struggling to keep up with a woman who, by temperament, was not a happy person. My job was To Make Her Happy.

Guess what. I never felt happy. I never felt strong. I never felt trusted. I never felt I was The Man.

Now, a lot of that was my responsibility. I wasn't strong. In many ways (subtle ways), I couldn't be trusted.

But that's no longer the case.

Nonetheless, I find there are those women I'm around who make me feel like the man, and those women who -- to put it bluntly -- are looking for somebody other than me. And when I'm with the second type, I don't feel like the man.

In the past, I would have pursued this second type to prove I could be her Man. Now... not so much.

How do I feel when I'm with her. Do I feel a strong attraction from her? Do I feel a strong attraction to her? AM I HAVING FUN?

If it feels like fucking work I can pretty certain she's not "the one." This may be an obvious concept to others, but it took me a while to figure out.

Christopher

[rmouche]

I totally agree with the point : "Walk through open doors of opportunity. You rarely get a second chance". When you take it into account, it's change your behavior, for the best
Rachid.

[jc_94040]

• Know what you want in a woman (if you don't know, figure it out and write it down)

• Screen her for qualities you desire - if she doesn't fit your bill, don't waste your (or her) time

• Genuinely enjoy your time with her - really, I mean it

• Relax, be authentic, and let the chips fall where they may

• Be open to having a sexual vibe with her - but don't force it - allow it to happen

• Value yourself more than you value her - after all, you just met her (this doesn't mean to look down on her, by the way)

• Tease her (I know, Dr. G already had this one, but I think it's worth repeating)

• Tease her

• Balance teasing her with genuine moments of vulnerability and revelation - but only when she's earned it by being authentic and genuine with you - and don't make them heavy - keep them light

• Tease her some more

[rmouche]

merci jack,

Your answer let me know that I began to make some mistakes on my own. I began to talk to her about the fact that I’ve broken few times ago. In fact she told me just after that that she's broken few times ago. I've spoken of my kids; she's spoken of her kids. We’ve spoken of our personal question about relations with our parents. We've got some similar history. We two get therapist. We two are aware that we got problems with the relation.

I appreciate your point about being monogame or not. I'm not use to short relation, and I was ready to get no-monogame relation with my ex-girlfriend (she’s attractive ). I realise reading you that I was afraid to be involved in a long relation because monogame relation is something that is deep in my mind (and my reflexes). In fact, I've always live monogame relations (I was the sole of two of us for the last one ).

You made me discovered that monogame relation is not the only one I can get.

I've got to work on my "ultra faithful" behaviour (I’m faithful to a her with whom nothing real happen, crazy no?). I begin to realise that I'm suppose to be faithful at the moment when we want the two of us a monogame relation. And even during a relation, I will try not to take faithful thing as a paradigm, but let me see if other women can suit me best. It's the complete opposite of what I've done until now. I feel like having been stupid for 20 years.

Furthermore, I realise that I was about to tell her the “trap sentence�: “Yes, I absolutely want a relationship with you". It seems more clear to me now that it was a way to avoid the "discovering period", when I am suppose to see if what she is suit what I want.
The only thing that I know about her is that she seems to be independent and that she's able to rule her live alone. And that is very good news for me.

The other think that make me feel a little anxious is that I don't know how to “I feel a strong attraction from her� (From christopher360)
I’m supposed to be quite good looking (if I believe what peoples say to me, and I resist), but I feel sometime that nobody will find me attractive, or sexy, and especially a woman I want to have sexual relation with. So I’m afraid to screw it all by acting as a NG: not being as man as she could wait. I’m trying to be myself, but I’m not sure to be really myself in front of a girl. It’s been always my question: do women are attracted by me or because I’m nice.

One more thing is that, I’m quite afraid of the sexual relation, because I got bad experiences about it with my two last one. I suffered of premature ejaculation. The only time I didn’t suffered from it was at the beginning of my last relation (it was 9 years ago!). In one hand, I get the idea that it was linked with the relation I’ve got and the image I made in my mind of my girlfriend (I was telling myself that I desire her, without even looking at what she looks like, or what she was doing to make me desiring her – nothing in fact).

To be honest with you (and mainly with me, at last), I never try to get relations with others women because I was afraid of the possible reaction to my premature ejaculation problem. It’s a bit like if I made myself constraints not to be unfaithful. This premature ejaculation issue was a “good reason� not to leave my girlfriend. I felt unable to get normal relation with other girls, so I was supposed to keep in the relation. And not an intimate one, or a good sex one; no, just a relation I didn’t like. (My ex girlfriend was right, I could have live with her until the rest of my life without being well, and not for her, it’s terrible to understand it now!).

So, I realise that I stay with my girlfriend for 9 years, get three kids, tried to be nice with her, making every things I can to help her (And she really thinks that she deserve help for every part of her life), live a stressed life, with less and less fun, less and less sex, more and more work. And all this because I decide she could be the only one who can accept my premature ejaculation problem. I talked about it to her at the very end of our relation, because I manage her not to see it for 8 years and an half (a hard work believe me!). Thinking of it, I did the same thing with my previous girlfriends – 10 years relation - hiding it, and then telling her at the very end. Quiet 2 big covered contracts no ) :

The first one: she was afraid that somebody wouldn’t choose her compare to another person – I stay with her and she accept premature ejaculation (at the end I choose another one !)
The second one: She needed that somebody help her in her life, for the things she was supposed to do by herself – I do everything I could to help her and she accept my sexual coldness due to my premature ejaculation (at the end I stop helping her and let her really alone in ruling her life)


Than, my point now is the following: I don’t want to do the same thing. I’m free to get any relation I want, so I’ve got no excuses. I know that I’m somebody very sensual. I still don’t know if I will have a premature ejaculation problem with the next one. I don’t get “impulsive and fantasy masturbation� since 2 weeks (and it’s new to me). I still get fear to propose a sexual relation to a girl and having premature ejaculation (it would be like proposing her the moon and giving her a trip to “Kaboul� ). In fact, I’m very aware of my image. Not in my social relations or when I meet a girl. But especially my sexual image. I feel like I’ve got to be perfect, and perfection for me is lasting. And willing to be perfect makes me thinking at what will “happen next in a sexual course�, and not appreciating the fact itself. I dream to let me feel what I want or do what I want, but his image problem doesn’t let me free enough to do this.

So, in this case (the girl I met), do any of you get any idea or experience that can help me.

PS : jack, I still talk about my sexual secret

[rmouche]

Sorry guy,

I made a mistake and send you a post that was due to another thread.

Rachid